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01 November 2012 @ 12:13 am
Prompt #058: Scary Monsters and Super Freaks 2/2  
Title: Stroke My Fluffy!
Pairing/Characters: Adam/Tommy maybe. If you squint. Can be read as Adam and Tommy gen, Trespassing Rug/Elmo Jacket
Rating (Word Count): That would be... 27 consecutive drabbles of 100 words. Each. >.> It's not my fault.
Warning(s): Swearing, bad language, four am, cussing, four am, sex between furniture and clothing and the results thereof... Did I mention cursing?
Author's notes: ...I think I might as well give up and move Casey into a nut house, and then move into the cell right next door. >.>


Fuck You,
Say Mr Ratliff

“I thought you’d be able to help.”

“Adam, I’m your guitarist. Not your spiritualist.”

“But… you’re my best friend.”

“Really?”

“Tommy, when I discovered these in my house at three am, my first thought wasn’t to phone Ashley, or an exterminator, or sprinting to my manager’s.”

“Oh-“

“It was you. I don’t want you to fix it. I just want… I don’t know.”

“Awww. That was sweet.”

“It was, wasn’t it?”

“Just a bit.”

“But it’s true. I-I don’t even know with this, but it’s got to be better than anything I can come up with myself.”

“You wanna bet?”




SMF

“Well, I was thinking of driving over here, and asking you what the hell do I do now? So I guess my part is done with.”

“What can we do? It’s not like anyone is going to believe us when we say, Adam’s coat and his rug made these.”

“Can’t we… I don’t know, adopt them?”

“…Excuse me?”

“Well, they’re kinda cute, aren’t they?”

“I’d say I know where you’re going with this but I’m almost afraid to admit that.”

“What’s wrong with us taking care of them?”

“How do we feed them?”

“-What?”

“Feed them? Toilet train? Go walkies?"

SMF

“….The last time I owned a pet, I was in grade school. And my mom took care of it, really…”

“The last time I had a pet, I was in high school, and it got killed by a bird.”

“What the fuck kind of pet did you have?”

“Dog. Got dive bombed by a hawk, was scared into the lake, couldn’t swim.”

“…Really?”

“No. She died of old age, Adam.”

“I don’t do sarcasm at four am.”

“It’s four nineteen am, and I noticed.”

“But what do we do?”

“I have no fucking clue.”

“Pet it, Tommy, it wants contact.”

SMF

“Or it wants dinner, and it thinks Gay Christmas Elves are good eatin’.”

“Tommy!”

“What?”

“Stroke the fluffy and if you laugh again, I’m going to abandon you with our adopted children and go home!”

“….Our adopted children?!”

“Yes. I have made an executive decision as your boss that we have adopted these two babies and are going to raise them together.”

“…This is the point where a TV crew jumps out of the bushes and someone yells, ‘You’ve been PUNKED!’ right?”

“You don’t have any bushes.”

“I don’t have any leg warmer babies either, and yet here you are…”

SMF

“Please.”

“No. My rental agreement says if I have pets, I can be fucked up the ass with a barbed wire baseball bat before being drop kicked into the streets minus my thousand bucks deposit.”

“So, they can live at my place!”

“…So why do you need me?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“And you think I do?!”

“Between the two of us, we can’t fuck it up that badly, can we?”

“Don’t tempt fate. She’s a bitch.”

“Look, just hold cute little Left, and tell that adorable face that you don’t wanna take care of it.”

“Adam, what-“

SMF

“That you would rather leave it to starve on the streets-“

Adam-“

That you would rather see it shiver and tremble in the freezing cold snow ridden streets than give it a good home and help your poor dear boss who pays your wages and takes you to exotic and far away countries and helped you to buy a new car and does so much other shit for you that if I went through it all, we’d be here until sunset.”

“Are you seriously resorting to blackmail?”

“Whatever it takes, Tommy Joe. I was in musicals. I’ve seen the darkness.”


SMF

“I guess she’s kinda cute… A bit.”

“She?”

“Unless one of these spontaneous sprouts a dick, I can’t tell if they’re gonna be using the little girls’ room, or the little boys’ room. So she it is.”

“Why a girl though?”

“Why is my car a Bessie not a Bernie? It just is.”

“Good point.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You gonna name the little one then?”

“Left, I thought.”

“…. You cannot call it Left, Tommy. It sounds like a little orphan, all lost and sorry for itself.”

“Well, what were you thinking, oh wise and great boss?”

“Tommy!”

“What, oh wise and-“

SMF

“If you keep calling me that, I’ll make it a term in your contract.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“After this morning, I’m not sure what I would and wouldn’t do, to be honest.”

“Oh, now that’s a comforting thought…”

“Not really.”

“Sarcasm, Adam.”

“Oh.”

“Mm. Oh for fuck’s sake…”

“What?!”

“I think I found its mouth.”

“…And how would know that?”

“Either it just licked with its tongue, or it’s got anal abilities beyond anything you could dream of.”

“…I think I just spewed in my mouth a little.”

“Vengeance is sweet. For me, at least.”

“Oh fuck you, Tommy Joe.”

SMF

“Gladly. I’ll get right on that. Here, take back your living leg warmer, and I’ll go and get right on that in my nice, safe, non-living leg warmer infested bedroom.”

“You go back into that house, and Sutan’s drag photos get splayed all across the internet.”

“So? The entire internet knows I’ve worn drag for Sutan and you both.”

“Even the ones of you in satin panties and nothing else?”

“…How did you get those?”

“Sutan shouldn’t leave his phone lying around. A few quick clicks…”

“Bitch.”

“Whatever it takes, Tommy. Whatever it takes.”

“Can I at least get dressed?”

SMF

“Yes. You can even do make up, if you want. But I’m coming in.”

“…You don’t trust me?”

“You were the one who shimmied buck naked out of a hotel window to escape some chick who tried to get freaky in bed with you.”

“She wanted me to call her Mommy. I don’t do mommy sex.”

“But you do do Daddy sex, right?”

“I’m holding your leg warmer baby, Adam. Don’t make me angry.”

“I won’t if you go and get dressed, and then come back to my place.”

“I want breakfast.”

“Okay, we’ll stop by the smoothie place-“

“No!”

SMF

“No?”

“No, I want breakfast, not a fucking snack.”

“…Oh. What do you want?”

“I want two burritos, as spicy as fuck. I want an ice cream, and an extra-large mocha from Starbucks, and a bag – no, two bags of cookies from there as well. And I want-“

“This is gonna get expensive, isn’t it?”

“You can either buy me breakfast or you can stump up payment for therapy to get rid of this morning, it’s your choice.”

“I’ll buy you a beer tonight as well.”

“Good choice. And you’re buying my beer for the next fucking tour, Adam.”

“What?!”

SMF

“Therapy or beer. Choose.”

“Go and get dressed, Tommy Joe.”

“Yes, Boss.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Hold Left, and I’ll go and put some fucking clothes on.”

“Since when do you sleep in boxers?”

“I don’t.”

“But…”

“I sleep naked since my air con is so shitty it craps out during a heat wave. Not everybody earns megabucks, Mr Billionaire Money Bags. But common decency insists that I don’t subject you to my naked junk and non-existent ass at four fucking am.”

“It’s not non-existent. It’s just… Flat.”

“I could rival Kanas with this not-an-ass-thing, Adam.”

“Not gonna even lie.”

SMF

“Damn straight. But it’s so fucking hot in this house.”

“I have air con.”

“….Sold.”

“Thought so.”

“So, breakfast, and then back to my place.”

“Why the hell not? I’m already awake, thanks to you.”

“Everyone else is too new to subject to this kind of weirdness.”

“…I don’t know whether to be honoured or offended, to be honest.”

“Go and get dressed and you can be well fed.”

“The man speaks good words, Left. Time to go back to Daddy now.”

“Why am I Daddy?”

“Well, I’m sure as hell not.”

“…Are you mommy?”

“Die, Lambert.”

“Clothes, Tommy.”

“Fuck.”



The end! Mods, please can I have an author tag? Apparently I need one. *noob shows her noobiness*

 
 
 
Carolinekatzb101 on November 1st, 2012 07:40 am (UTC)
*sporfles* thank heavens i wasn't drinking my tea when I read this *g*.

You know what's so bad? I that I can actually kinda picture something similar to this happening, not so much the freaky leg warmers, but Adam turning up on Tommy's door step at four in the morning high as a kite. *g*


xGlitterBabyx: Adam Laughxglitterbabyx on November 2nd, 2012 11:14 am (UTC)
i'm so with you on this one omfg xDDDDD
snowstormskies: Tommy Joe Ratliff NoH8 shootsnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 04:55 pm (UTC)
I am always happy to make someone laugh :D Apparently, I do crack well but I need a Caseyu to be my dealer.

And yeah, actually. Me too. Adam, high as a kite, arriving on Tommy's doorstep at four am and having as weird a conversation as this. He might even have lost 'some' clothing since I think Adam is a naked drunk/high person.
thrace_adams: Teen Wolf Derek Grabbing Stilesthrace_adams on November 1st, 2012 07:49 am (UTC)
OMG bb this was a rIOT altho I have to admit, it kind made me think of Derek and Stiles while I was reading it. LOL>...too much Teen Wolf ;p Great job :D
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 04:58 pm (UTC)
XD Too much TW for you indeed! *takes it away!*

Thanks for the comment though :D I'm glad I could make you laugh~
caseycasey270 on November 1st, 2012 09:06 am (UTC)
you have the most amazing, crackiest mind ever, and i love you for it!!!

i don't think you even realize how hard it is to tell a story all in dialogue. this is like seriously amazing & envy making.

and just for the visuals, here's the leg warmer picture
Photobucket

<333
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you for posting the pic! I couldn't find it after all that writing.

And pfft. I could not write without you. I may do the words but you feed the bunny and that - that is something amazing. :D *hugs*
Ariannearianne_maya on November 1st, 2012 04:41 pm (UTC)
You litteraly sucked me in and I couldn't stop reading, or laughing. And the fact that you did the whole thing in dialogue? Amazing. Just amazing.
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 05:03 pm (UTC)
I like dialogue only. It's a real challenge to write but it makes me work harder to hit it right on the head. Thank you so much for your lovely comment! I did appreciate it but I forgot to respond until now! /o\ I am a bad author sometimes!

Thank the wonderful Casey for providing the prompt! She's awesome like that.
xGlitterBabyx: Adam Laughxglitterbabyx on November 2nd, 2012 11:13 am (UTC)
this was fucking fantastic omfg i'm DYING
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 05:01 pm (UTC)
I love your icon! May I have stealz if I give credit?

And awww, thank you but please don't die! I have plans to post a new glam_100 drabble sometime this week! *revives frantically*
xGlitterBabyx: AdamFierceBitchxglitterbabyx on November 27th, 2012 11:53 pm (UTC)
yes!!!

and hahaha OKAY OKAY I'LL LIVE ;)
snowstormskies: don't know wheresnowstormskies on January 26th, 2013 04:51 pm (UTC)
Yay!
Leela: Adam - crazy faceleela_cat on November 3rd, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
ROTFLMFAO ... this was wonderful. Both posts were so damn perfect. I laughed my ass off.

And I added an author tag to this one. <3
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
Thank for the author tag!

And aww, thank Casey for it. She's the one who feeds the crack addict in me and makes me write this stuff. I'm just weird like that!
norway541norway541 on November 3rd, 2012 08:00 pm (UTC)
OMG! Funniest thing I've read in forever! What an original idea, and then written with dialogue so perfect...I can so easily picture it!
Continue this, please? Surely next week's prompt can be utilized somehow!
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 04:59 pm (UTC)
Debating so hard on writing some of this but it needs to be the right prompt you know? I can only write this 'verse in drabbles, so you know. Make the mods give us AWESOME prompts and then we'll see.

#cageywriter
bεn¡bluε♞iRide iWrite iLovebeniblue on November 5th, 2012 12:16 am (UTC)
more ;-)
Yeah, I'd like more too, please! Great dialogue.
<3333
B
snowstormskies: Tommy Joe Ratliff NoH8 shootsnowstormskies on November 27th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC)
Re: more ;-)
Did kiiiiiiiinda debate on continuing it but I'd have to wait for the right prompts to come around or for another amnesty period or something.

Then again, we'll see what Casey does. Sod's law, I'll end up doing some more sooner or later :P
bεn¡bluε♞iRide iWrite iLovebeniblue on November 28th, 2012 05:25 am (UTC)
Re: more ;-)
Yeah you ought to- this was hilariously funny and sweet. I've never heard of an "amnesty period?" Is that where you can just write without using the prompt?
<3333
B
snowstormskiessnowstormskies on January 26th, 2013 04:52 pm (UTC)
Re: more ;-)
#late reply is SO fucking late


Yes, basically. I hope they'll have one this year too - I want to write my lovely boys again :P
ratbert71ratbert71 on June 16th, 2013 09:58 pm (UTC)
*\o/*

LOL.

:DDDDD